All of these were created, found, co-written, borrowed or stolen by me or someone like me. You know, I could put that at the top of ANY web page.
New to the page: Anne Sexton's poem Mr. Mine.
Used without permission.

Selections from Jenny Holzer's Living Series selected from her installation in the sculpture garden at the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller fame) included this short story with their Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends book. I thought it would make a good Humorous Speech to be read competitively. See if you agree. It's called The Pain Addict.

Using Mark Pilgrim's Kant Generator Pro I wrote a playwriting module that wrote this random play. If you've got a mac and already downloaded the program, try the module out for yourself.

Alright kids, look out, because this story is about sex and the trouble some people have with actors. Yes, I'm afraid it's The Warren Beatty Story (Temporarily removed due to adult situations).

Last time I left Boulder, Colorado I had sold my car and had to take a bus home to Minnesota. Armed with nothing to read, no food, and a PowerBook 150 laptop, I wrote this documentary (Removed. Profanity. And a dire need for editing).

Before I left Boulder, mes amis et moi had a run in with a girl named Jen, who proceeded to... Hey, it's all in the Jen Song....
Warning: Contains very salty language and violent situations (hence, removed).

Before I dropped out of college (only to find myself returning to them regularly, for free) I wrote this historically accurate yet only mildly exciting one-act play Three Coins in the Fountain of Judicial Activism.

Many years ago Rain Newcomb and Erik Johnson came forth from the wilderness to write some plays together. These are those: (Be warned that there is some death by drowning.)
This manuscript contains the plays This Is Your Mother, Too, You Know, Strengthless and Unstrung, and As It Is Itself or To Withdraw from the War on Political Corruption and Oppression.

Here is Non-scratch.

And here is Deliver Him Now (thought by many scolars to be among their best).

And finally Snowball's Chance in Hell.

Not however among my best work, yet high in the echelon of intoxicated writings are the following short stories of exactly two hundred and fifty words: (again, if foul language bothers you, beware... This was a curse-filled time in my life, for whatever reason.)

Drunk Call The story of an imagined (I really hope) telephone conversation. (With a description like that, I removed it. Better safe than sorry.)

The Letter A story of apartmental love.

Naked A slurred description of... something... I can't tell what exactly myself... (Removed. Actually the page that turns up in the search engines most often.)

Planehouse My favorite. A man who lives in a plane.

She Spat An Open Boat-esque tale of aquatic adventure.

If TV was Smarter is what happens when hackers want to watch television.

Oh, there's more... Don't worry about that.